“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
When I was younger, 10-22 years old, I was convinced that God didn’t know who I was or at the very least didn’t care. I was one of those kids your parents told you to stay away from because they are going to get you into trouble.
For the record, my friends (the good ones people believed were innocent but in reality they were more like “Preacher Kids”) were the ones getting me into trouble. Eight out of ten times they would be the ones committing the crime or indiscretion but I would be the one who got blamed.
After a few years of being blamed I just became what people believed me to be.
I had heard my mom, her friends and random strangers tell me about how God is always with them but just thought they were making stuff up. I certainly didn’t feel as though I had witnessed anything like that. In fact one bad thing after another kept happening to me. I was beginning to have the “Eeyore” mentality; woe is me, everybody hates me, nobody likes me, my life is horrible. Anyone ever had the pleasure of dealing with a person like that? Can I get an AMEN.
Well that was me. Everything seemed to be going wrong and no matter what I did to try to change my outcome, it never did. I felt betrayed by God. Why was every other person worthy enough to receive His grace and love but not me. It just seemed as though He had given up on me or separated Himself from me because I was just too much to handle. Can you even imagine?
On my wedding day, when the pastor told us to pray silently together, I wanted things to be different and felt like the only way to accomplish it was to challenge God. So I prayed that God would forgive me. It went something like this. “Dear Lord, I know I was saved and Baptized when I was eight but I don’t think I ever felt the connection with You that people talk about. I have messed up a lot since then. My relationships have been horrible and I don’t want to get divorced again. I want to be the wife, mother, friend and godly woman you desire me to be but I cannot do it alone. Will You please help? I want to make the commitment to take my relationship with You seriously.”
Now I am not saying that I stopped having issues right away but instead of feeling alone while dealing with them I felt His strength and love. Life got better so much so that when I look back on my old life I don’t even recognize that person any more.
He reminded me that “nothing can separate us” from the love of God. He is ALWAYS with me. It feels quite lonely when we try to run our own lives and it is meant to feel that way because when we do that WE, not God, are trying to separate ourselves from God, which is impossible to do so it feels wrong for a reason.
Do you feel all alone on the path you are walking? If so, maybe it is time to stop and pray for direction, HIS direction.