Posted Aug 09, 2021 | Share this:

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”  Proverbs 12:4

The New Living Translation uses the description of “cancer in his bones.”  I have been witness to a few people dying of cancer, it is not for the weak of heart.  They are in so much pain from the inside out that although their outside appearance may look bad it is nothing to the way the inside looks and feels.  Their bodies are rotting.  I am not saying this to make anyone feel bad and if you are someone who is walking through cancer right now please know I am not wanting to offend you in any way but the hurt you feel is what God uses to describe the pain a “poisonous” wife (spouse) can cause.

My husband and I are around many people in many different settings and it never ceases to amaze me how horrible wives and husbands can be towards each other.  Now don’t get me wrong, we too have had our share of a few bad years and it was mainly due to the lack of respect we shared for and towards each other.

When we were getting in a bad place I felt God turning my attention to who I was becoming, a poisonous wife.  Although society may say my behavior was justified because of his, God does not say that.  He brought me to my knees to see I needed to humble myself to be the wife of HIS desire not of my husband’s or my own.

I began thanking my lovebug for the small things he would occasionally do, eventually those small things became bigger things and more frequent.  We stopped speaking ill of each other, even to our closest friends; it is just plain disrespectful to do such a thing.  I started loving him deeply, looking past all of the things that at one point got on my nerves.  We became a team again; two finally became one flesh.

I have over the past five plus years began to ache for the husbands I hear talking trash about their wives or the wives belittling their husbands because I was there once and all that created was more hurt and bitterness.

We have really close people, in our lives, that still to this day talk trash about one another when the other is not around; makes me wonder how they treat each other behind closed doors.  I actually become so uncomfortable around these people that I feel very out-of-place at times.  I feel as though God is turning my attention, once again, not to who I am becoming but who I can prevent them from becoming with just a gentle reminder of giving each other grace and displaying love and respect whether you believe your spouse deserves it or not, after all you are not doing it for them but for HIM.

Make no mistake, when you get married it is a COVENANT you both make with God.  Show Him that it means something and stop being poisonous towards each other but instead lift each other up, show your spouse what love really is, never let them wonder if you really care about them.

Several years ago, seven if I am not mistaken, my best friend’s husband died on July 9th at the age of 34.  Her heart was shattered because of all the things that were left unsaid, all the future she would have to live without him and never being able to feel his touch or hear his voice.  She went through a period of the “what ifs” and “did he know that I loved him” thoughts.  The fact is that we do not know when our time is up, please don’t let your spouse wonder when you are gone whether you really loved them.  God does not want you to bring death to a person but life, speak life into their soul.

I am extremely grateful for the parents I had.  Before my Daddy passed away, he and my mom just adored each other.  They had their share of arguments but displayed love so generously towards each other, us kids and people they came across.  After he passed, there was never any doubt of his love for her.  Their example has been a constant reminder of what a good marriage ought to look like.

Coming from someone who has been on both sides of the situation, when you speak poorly of your spouse thinking it is all in good fun or that they deserve it, please note that most people who hear those words you speak are beginning to see decay setting in on you.  Look like a crown for him/her, for your marriage and most importantly for God.


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