“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” ~Isaiah 43:19 NLT.
Sometimes we make choices in our lives that we think are good that do not turn out the way we planned.
My second oldest daughter moved out of our house when she was starting high school, to live with her dad. She believed it was the best move for her as she had only been at her dad’s house during vacation times. To her it was reprieve from chores, homework, and rules. Her breaks were very low-key and she did not understand that it would change if she were to live there permanently.
Shortly after moving there, approximately a month, she realized it was not all it was cracked up to be and she wanted to move back home. We explained before she left that she would need to finish out high school, no matter the home she chose to live at. She picked her dad’s so even though she wanted to move home only after a month of being there, it was not possible.
Our daughter finished high school, only coming home during big school breaks including summer break. Our house became the reprieve for her, as the tables were turned. Ironically, the chores and rules were still enforced, the only difference is we did not need to address her school work.
After graduation, we went on a long family vacation to celebrate and she decided to continue to live in the city where her dad lived. She moved out of his house and into his parents’ home because they needed someone to help take care of them. Believing it was the better fit, she figured life would be easier but it wasn’t.
The grass is not always greener on the other side.
Her grandfather was emotionally abusive towards her, evil thoughts and words just spewed out of him. There was no love or gratitude felt by her, from him, just contempt and hatred. He belittled her, called her names that would put a sailor to shame, and had slapped her several times. This caused her to feel alone and unsupported, as in her view, none of that side of her family defended her.
She would be the first to admit that she can dish it out just as quick as anyone else but her responses were typically in retaliation. Not an excuse but to her it was her only means of defense. Her self-esteem, self-worth, were in the proverbial toilet and she either hid herself in her room or had outbursts of rage for how she was being treated.
Not many people have been able to get along with or tolerate our daughter, as she has a larger than life personality but she is kind. This girl genuinely wants to love others and wants to be loved by others. She wants people to understand her and accept her as someone who is unique but worth knowing and befriending. Her closest friend used to be her grandma because grandma never used to make her feel awkward and unaccepted. Until recently.
When she was a child she developed a seizure disorder, around the time that social skills develop. When other kids were learning how to recognize social cues, social norms, and effective interaction her brain was trying to connect with normal functioning. Seizures can cause a person major memory loss, bodily functioning to not operate normally, and disorientation. She was frantically surviving through all of that.
Although the seizures got under control, she missed out on the developmental aspect of creating and maintaining friendships. She struggled with being in noisy areas, large groups, or too much commotion because those things can ignite seizures and unfortunately people just believed she was being rude or unsociable.
We need to stop judging what we know nothing about…behind closed doors (within a person’s heart) tells a different story.
Sadly, people do not usually give her a chance to learn how to interact. They don’t give her grace when she messes up and says something wrong or shocking. She has been written off by “friends” because she is “too much.” My heart hurts and I am angry at the ignorance of people.
I will never claim to be the best mom but I am the best, aside from God, at loving her well. She has made mistakes but I did too when I was her age. Someone was kind enough to love me for me, as a friend and also as my husband. I know that God has the perfect person for her who will do the same and in the meantime I am believing for friendships that fill her life with joy and make her feel more than enough.
She moved back to our house, this summer, to try to get a fresh start on life. So far she has been reading her Bible which is a great place to start for creating the best friendship. We have gone on family outings and got into the groove of how life works at mom’s house.
One step at a time, is all it takes!
This next week she is going to start applying for jobs. Then we will help her with her budget to start paying off her debt. She will continue to serve in church, read the Bible, attend Bible studies, and when she feels ready we will find a young adult group that she will be comfortable in.
I am believing her fresh start will help her see her true value and that God has greater plans for her life then she could have ever imagined. I am very proud of her for leaving the toxicity and moving back to a place of peace. She is doing a new thing because she is tired of what the old was doing to her.
For all of you readers, we appreciate your prayers for my second oldest daughter’s choice to make a fresh start. Please pray for her continued strength and that the Lord bless her with lifelong friendships that care about who she is and who she will become.