Posted Jul 22, 2023 | Share this:

Fear is all consuming and debilitating.  It can control your life and make you feel like a prisoner in your own skin.
For many years, I was afraid of cockroaches, clowns, and heights.  If you are like me, this list will not be surprising to you but just in case they don’t bother you, I will take a minute to enlighten.
When I was younger, I slept with cockroaches.

Cockroaches are disgusting insects that multiply and infest anywhere they reside.  When I was a teenager, I lived at my sister’s house in a room that her and her husband set up for me like an apartment.  I was a brand new teenager and they wanted me to feel comfortable.  The room had a dresser, television, stereo system, nightstands, and a queen sized water bed.  It was so cool to a teenager.
I was living the best life, I thought, until I started having nightmares.  My nightmares were so vivid that I could describe in detail every morning what had taken place.  For weeks, I would dream about cockroaches crawling on me but it didn’t make any sense as there were never any cockroaches in my sister’s house.  I always thought there were cockroaches but since I never saw them, I couldn’t prove it.
One day, I told my sister I was not sleeping in my bed anymore because I kept having dreams that they were crawling all over me while I slept.  She got very angry at me and tore my room apart to prove that there were no cockroaches in my room.  When she was ready to walk away, satisfied that she had enough proof, my brother-in-law lifted up my waterbed mattress, exposing the entire nest of cockroaches that were, in fact, most likely crawling on me in the middle of the night. It was not just a dream.

So although I slept with cockroaches, it did not decrease my fear of them, only intensified it.  We left the house to stay with family while it was being bombed for bugs.

In my later teenage years, when I wasn’t living right for God, I watched a horror movie called It.  I was watching it with a friend and was scared out of my mind, so I suggested we take a break to order some pizza.  She lived across the street from me, so I was grateful for the short break to run to my house for coupons and money.  When I arrived, I went to my younger sister’s room to use her phone to call my friend to identify what toppings we wanted on our pizza.

As I was standing in her room, I noticed that her clown doll was sitting on her bed.  I left her room to gather coupons from the kitchen and went back to the phone to let my friend know which coupons I had.  The clown was now on her dresser but I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me and just kept on with the conversation.  She wanted a soda to go with the pizza and we had a bunch so I walked out to figure out which ones we had.

When I came back in to inform her of the selections, I put the phone to my ear, proceeded to give her the information and noticed the clown doll was now on my sister’s desk.

I ran out of my house as fast as I could.

Breaking through her front door, I announced to her what had happened.  She, of course, did not believe me and we went on to finish watching the movie.  I waited until my parents returned to my house before returning there myself.  When I arrived, the clown doll was nowhere to be seen.

Nearly two decades later, my sister admitted to me that she was hiding in her closet popping out to move her doll, knowing that we were watching It.  She said she did it because we wouldn’t let her watch the movie with us. We thought she left with my parents to go to the store, so I did not know she was in the house.  It was her payback.

Things do not always appear as they seem and fear is very deceiving.

I really do not know when my fear for heights came from.  It seems a bit irrational because I have never fallen from heights.  My fear is so real that I shake, my legs get weak, and I begin to have slight vertigo while I am up at high heights.  I know I am not really afraid of the height but the potential of dying after falling from those heights.

Fear is a liar.  It is the number one tool that Satan uses to get to us and divide us from God.  God know it would be a major issue for most people so He put many verses in the Bible about not fearing.  He wanted to make sure we had so many verses on the topic of faith over fear so that we had the ability to renew our minds with His truth and not Satan’s lies.

“For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.” ~John 8:44 NLT.

Don’t believe the lies.

Cockroaches are just bugs that have a purpose.  I don’t know what that is but I will ask one day when I get to heaven.  Clowns are just people in a mask who usually have the desire to bring joy to others and hide their own sadness.  Heights is just a distance that you need to be cautious around.

Make sure that you are more cautious around Satan’s lies than the circumstances because he will twist the truth.  Fear (the Devil) is a LIAR.

Also Check Out...